How People-Pleasing Makes You Sick & Tired

Growing up as a young girl in the Midwest, I learned from the adults around me that girls/women had a list of unspoken “rules” that we were to do and not question:

• Take care of everyone else; put their needs in front of your own.
• Act in pleasing or conforming ways so that others would approve of and like you; follow the rules; be a good girl.
• Feel and process your own emotions PLUS everyone else’s (esp. the men’s emotions).
• Anticipate the needs of others; be 5-10 steps ahead of everyone else in order to make your own life easier.
• Believe that men are in charge of women.
• If you wanted to be loved & accepted by others, follow these rules.

Now, I didn’t have to buy into these unspoken teachings. But I did anyway. I thought this was just what we were supposed to do. This left me a prisoner to my own limiting thinking.

It didn’t dawn on me until I was much older that this was all BS. I had no idea that these patterns of belief were causing me to be sick & tired.

Here’s how these patterns of belief played out in my life:

• I believed I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, strong enough or pretty enough. This left me feeling guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t doing enough. I felt I had to prove myself by working extra hard. No matter what I did, it was never enough. The men in my life blamed me for not being enough, and I blamed myself. I hated myself.
• I believed I wasn’t important. I didn’t matter. My goals were secondary to everyone else’s. I was supposed to be there for everyone else, but no one was there for me. I felt all alone. I felt like no one was helping me. This left me feeling empty and very bitter and resentful.
• I believed I was undeserving and unworthy of anything good. The good stuff needed to 1^st go to the guys, or the kids. I got what was left over. This left me feeling so shut down. I tried my best to lower my expectations.
• I believed I needed to say Yes, when I wanted to say No. I had to say Yes to anything a man (or boy) asked me. I needed to be a “good” girl and do what they asked. I was too afraid of a man being mad at me (Daddy issues…). This led to many sexual situations that left me feeling like I’d been used and abused. This also led to many business issues. Salesmen using slimy tactics to get me to feel horrible about myself so that I’d buy just to get them away from me. Vendors making stuff up just to get me to buy.

Can you relate to any of this? If so, you are not alone!

So many women reach their 40’s-50’s, and finally wake up to WHY they have become sick & tired.

It takes an incredible amount of energy to go against every fiber of your being. It’s no wonder we are exhausted.

So, to recap, the limited way of thinking that I had grown up believing to be true, left me feeling guilty, hating myself, feeling bitter & resentful, feeling shut down, and not feeling safe enough to say NO when I wanted to say No.

This is the end-product of people-pleasing, of thinking that other people are way more important than yourself.

The good news is that your body will eventually let you know that you’ve gone too far.

When your thoughts are not congruent with what your body knows about you, your body will begin to break down.

At first, your body gives you gentle clues, like a whisper. “Hey, you need to slow down and take some time to rest.” “Hey, that headache means it’s time to take a break.” “Hey, that tightness in your neck and shoulders means you need to relax and get some rest.” “Hey, you don’t really want to do that. Why did you agree to it?”

Most of us are taught to ignore our body’s clues (symptoms). We keep going on that project. We get less sleep as we pack more in our day. We take something to lessen our pain. We might start drinking to help us relax.

When we ignore our body’s warning signals, our body doesn’t give up…instead, it gets out a bigger stick!

Pretty soon your body is screaming at you! Chronic illness, disease (this is generally how auto-immune diseases get started), chronic stress patterns, mood swings, insomnia, severe fatigue, hot flashes like no other, anxiety, panic attacks, aches/pains that won’t go away, cancer, etc.

By now we are so out-of-whack we can’t think straight. We can’t make a decision. We shut down. Nothing is helping us. We go from doctor to doctor and no one knows what’s going on.

So what can you do?

1. Become aware of your thoughts. If you resonate with the above examples, then go a little deeper. Begin cleaning up these limiting patterns of belief.
2. Become aware of your own Yes and No. Feel into your body. What brings you joy? Does something feel like a Hell Yes? Great. If not, then it’s a No so don’t do it or agree to it. This is YOUR life, and it’s time you put your needs 1^st.
3. How safe do you feel to truly be yourself? Have you shut down your natural, vibrant, fun-loving self in order to help someone else in your life feel better? If so, this MUST change. It didn't even make them feel better, so just stop it already!
4. Do you feel like you have nothing left to give? Is your Love Tank empty? If so, then it’s time to learn to fill up your own Love Tank.

Ways I can help you

1. If this resonates with you and you are ready to move through all of this, I would love to help you! I'll teach you my best tools in my next online workshop series, Mastering Your Mindset - Introductory Workshop Series.
2. If you need to gather some more information on "the basics" of how you can use your mind to heal your body, your emotional stress & your relationships, click here to check out my selection of Free and Low-Cost Mini-Courses.
3. You can also set up a $30, 30-minute chat with me to discover your #1 Roadblock to Well-Being and options that would be a good fit for you. Click here to schedule.

Many Blessings,

Dr JoAnn Tully, Mind-Body Doctor & Mindset Coach

Click Here to Visit my Website