How We Make Ourselves Sick By Not Saying NO

I recently met a new friend. We chatted easily, got to know each other better, and exchanged information that would help both of us in an area we both are passionate about – climate change.

And then as we were parting ways, she asks if it was possible that she was making herself sick with her thoughts. I asked her to tell me more about her suspicions.

She told me that she felt she was increasingly becoming more sick with “something.” She didn’t know what that something was. More fatigue, more colds, no energy, not sleeping well. Totally stressed out.

And then she explained that she was working 75-80 hours per week. She was on assignment with a big project. In 2 months, she would be assigned to a different project in a different part of the country.

She told me she didn’t think she could keep up with her current pace. She craved more “balance” in her life. She wanted some free time to rest, relax and rejuvenate.

Basically, she wanted to tell her boss, “No. I can’t do more right now.”

She was conflicted in her mind. She wanted to say, “No,” but she didn’t feel like she should or could.

In the mindset world, we generally call this “being out of energetic alignment.” One part of your mind has a goal (such as resting and relaxing), while the other part of your mind has a belief (such as this isn’t possible). These thoughts don’t match up. They don’t energetically align.

Which thought wins? The goal of what you want? Or the belief of what’s not possible?

The belief that something isn’t possible is stored in your unconscious mind – the area that you are most likely unaware of, yet the same area that runs on autopilot. The unconscious mind is in control 90-95% of the time…so whatever belief is stored in here WINS. But it doesn’t feel like a win.

For things that we want to say, “No” to, but don’t believe we can (or should) say, “No” to, our body is perfectly capable of saying, “No” for us.

Need a break? Need some down time? Need to relax and regroup? If you want or need these things, but don’t allow for them, then your body can easily develop any of the following to make sure you get the “break” you were wanting:

• Migraine
• Severe cold
• Flu
• Any debilitating pain
• Anything else that will stop you in your tracks and force you in bed or on the couch for days

What can you do?

Become more aware of what you want vs. what you don’t want. There is a big difference.

In mindset work, what you focus on is what you attract back to yourself. As you discover what you don’t like or don’t want, use that information to actively decide what you would prefer instead. Make a list of what you want. Then begin focusing on what you want several times per day. Read the list. Dream about the list. Visualize your list of wants and desires coming true.

This seems simple enough, but without realizing it, most people instead focus on what they don’t want:

• Working too many hours
• No down time
• No money
• Bad relationships
• No one will help me
• I’m all alone
• Crappy job
• Cruel coworkers
• Never ending pain

See if you can catch yourself doing this. Then shift your focus. Make your list.

What else can you do?

Many times we are afraid of what other people will think of us.

• If I say NO, will they judge me?
• Will they think I’m lazy?
• Will they punish me?
• Will they think I’m a bad person?

Or maybe we grew up to be people pleasers.

• If I do what they want, they will be easier to deal with.
• If I do what they want, they will love me.
• If I do what they want, they will reward me.

If you resonate with either of these situations, then you need to start doing what is BEST FOR YOU.

We all try to control and manipulate other people. We try to get them to do things for us. We try to get them to act in ways that please us. We all do this to some degree.

In the end, you need to make your own decisions. You can’t help others if your love tank is empty. You can’t think creatively if you are stressed out and drained. You make everything more difficult and challenging for yourself when you continue to do something that you don’t really want to do.

If this sounds like you, then you need to also focus on HOW you want to feel. Here are a few feelings to try to connect with:

• Ease
• Freedom
• Fun
• Satisfaction
• Surprise
• Delight

Simply focusing on these feelings can free up a lot of stress in your life. You can make things resolve themselves a lot easier by focusing on these enjoyable feelings. Remember, you get to decide what you attract back to yourself energetically. It’s time to get back in the driver’s seat of your life and go where YOU want to go.

Ways I can help you

1. If this resonates with you and you are ready to move through all of this, I would love to help you! I'll teach you my best tools in my next online workshop series, Mastering Your Mindset - Introductory Workshop Series.
2. If you need to gather some more information on "the basics" of how you can use your mind to heal your body, your emotional stress & your relationships, click here to check out my selection of Free and Low-Cost Mini-Courses.
3. You can also set up a $30, 30-minute chat with me to discover your #1 Roadblock to Well-Being and options that would be a good fit for you. Click here to schedule.

Many Blessings,

Dr JoAnn Tully, Mind-Body Doctor & Mindset Coach

Click Here to Visit my Website